This movie opens with a news montage explaining that it is set in a dystopic near-future in which George W. Bush has been elected to a fourth term. The United States Congress has been disbanded; public nudity is banned; the United States is embroiled in wars with France, Iraq, Afghanistan, Iran, Pakistan, Syria, Venezuela, Canada, and Alaska. With more wars than there are soldiers to fight them, a secret laboratory run by Dr. Chushfeld (Brad Milne) in fictional Sartre, Nebraska, has developed a virus to re-animate dead Marines and send them back into battle. However, this virus has broken containment and infected test subjects and scientists, and they are at risk of escaping the lab. A team of Marines codenamed the "Z" Squad is sent in to destroy the zombies. One of the Marines named Byrdflough (Zak Kilberg) is bitten but escapes. He ends up in an alley outside an underground strip club named "Rhino". The Marine dies and awakens as a zombie who goes into the strip club.
"Rhino" is run by Ian Essko (Robert Englund). A new stripper named Jessy (Jennifer Holland) has arrived at the club to save up enough money for her grandmother's operation. She is introduced to the club's star dancer, Kat (Jenna Jameson). Kat begins her dance on the stage, but is attacked by Byrdflough. Essko is concerned about losing his best dancer, so he lets her go back on stage as a zombie. To everyone's surprise, Kat is a better and more popular dancer as a zombie than she was as a human.
The other strippers now find themselves faced with the prospect of losing their customers, as the customers prefer zombie strippers to human strippers. One by one, the human strippers become zombies, some by choice in order to compete or (in the case of a Gothic rock stripper Lillith) for fun. During private dances, the zombie strippers bite and kill their customers. Essko tries to keep the zombies hidden in a cage in the club's cellar, but eventually, the zombies escape and overrun the club. Kat and the underrated stripper Jeanni (Shamron Moore) fight for supremacy. The remaining humans in the club struggle to survive until the "Z" Squad burst in to destroy the zombies. But they discover that the zombies were allowed to escape by the Bush Administration, in the hopes that the ensuing zombie plague would distract Americans from their gross mishandling of the war effort and the economy.
A year after the attack on Lake Victoria by prehistoric piranhas, an eradication campaign has left the lake uninhabitable by life, and the town itself has been largely abandoned as a result of the drying-up of their main revenue source, tourism, but some residents still remain on the lake.
At a nearby lake, Clayton and Mo, two farmers, walk into the water to recover the body of a dead cow. Piranha eggs that have been laid inside the cow hatch, and the farmers are killed by the swarm.
Maddy, a marine biology student, returns home for the summer to the waterpark she co-owns. She finds to her horror that the other co-owner, her step-father Chet, plans to add an adult-themed section to the waterpark with 'water-certified strippers', and re-open it as "Big Wet". At a party at the waterpark that night, Maddy encounters several old acquaintances, including her policeman ex-boyfriend Kyle Knight, and Barry who has secretly had a crush on her since grade school. She also runs into two of her close friends, Ashley and Shelby. Shelby and her boyfriend Josh go skinny-dipping in the lake, where a piranha makes its way inside her vagina. Meanwhile, Ashley and her boyfriend Travis make love in their van. They accidentally trip the handbrake, causing the van to roll into the lake, where they are both devoured.
The next day, Maddy is consoling Shelby about their missing friends. While sitting on a jetty, they are both attacked by the swarm of piranhas. They manage to kill one, and Maddy, Kyle and Barry bring it to Mr. Goodman to examine. He informs them that the piranhas may be moving via sewage pipes and underground rivers between lakes, attracted by chemicals involved in swimming pool cleansers that match their spawning routes. However, the wider world wouldn't listen to him, based upon his theory that the fish would evolve to become terrain-viable. The trio return to the lake, where they establish that the piranhas cannot make their way into the outflow pipes connecting the lake and the waterpark. While Shelby and Josh are having sex, the piranha in Shelby's vagina bites Josh's penis, forcing him to chop the organ off with a knife. Both are hospitalized, but survive. Kyle is revealed to be corrupt and taking pay-offs from Chet, who is secretly pumping water from an underground river into the waterpark. Chet orders Kyle to keep Maddy from finding out the secret.
"Big Wet" opens the next day. Among the first guests are Deputy Fallon, who survived his previous ordeal with the piranhas but lost his legs, and former cameraman Andrew Cunningham (Paul Scheer). While the duo attempts to overcome their fear of the water after they were attacked a year ago, David Hasselhoff also makes an appearance as a celebrity lifeguard.
Discovering the connection between the park and the underground river, Maddy attempts to shut the waterpark down, but is stopped by Chet and Kyle. The piranhas make their way to the area and attack, killing many of the lifeguards and waterpark-goers. Fallon attaches a shotgun prosthesis to his legs in order to save the visitors, while Hasselhoff, after rescuing a small boy named David, becomes pleased that he has finally become a real lifeguard. In the chaos, Chet is decapitated by a low-hanging cable after attempting to drive away and escape.
Maddy instructs Barry to begin draining the pools; however Maddy, who is rescuing people from the water, becomes caught in the suction and dragged down to the bottom of the pool. After Kyle refuses to save her because of his shock, Barry, despite being unable to swim, leaps down and brings her to the surface, whereupon Maddy is revived and they kiss.
Another employee, Big Dave, pours gasoline into the pipes, followed by a lit joint. The resulting explosion kills most of the piranhas, while Kyle is killed by a falling trident. The celebrations are cut short however, when Maddy takes a phone call from a horrified Mr. Goodman, who informs them that the piranhas are evolving and are now able to move on land, to which Maddie informs him that she knows. The film ends as one such piranha emerges from the pool and decapitates a little boy.
In a post-credits scene, Hasselhoff is running on a beach holding a trident, which is an advertisement for a film titled Fishhunter.
The Natural: How to effortlessly attract the women you want
Book Description
Publication Date: 7 Feb 2013
Available at Amazon.
Richard La Ruina used to be the guy who couldn't get
the girl. Shy, painfully awkward, and still living at home with his mother, at
twenty-five he decided to finally take control of his life and become the kind
of man men admire and women desire. Having developed and honed his seduction
techniques, Richard is now a 'natural' at attracting girls and one of the
world's most renowned pick-up artists.
As founder of PUA Training (Pick-up Artist Training),
Richard has personally coached thousands of men through their own dramatic
transformations. Now, in The Natural, he brings that experience to you,
delivering field-tested methods and easy-to-use tools for attracting the women
you want. Just like riding a bike or driving a car, meeting women and making
them fall for you is a learned skill that, with enough practice, becomes
effortless. There's no need for tricks, gimmicks, or lies. Instead, these
methods make you more confident and attractive to women. Using the tools in The
Natural, you'll finally have the ability to attract women just by being
yourself.
From
body language to conversation starters, eye contact to the first touch, The
Natural is a step-by-step blueprint for becoming the man that women can't
resist.
